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Interesting
Jan. 11th, 2018 06:05 pmI was at work today, and on the way to the restroom before the start time. Had a clear... Can it be called this?.... Intrusive thought, "Are you okay?"
Which I dismissed. Random thoughts not necessarily a part of my current train of thought both my own, not belonging to anyone, and belonging to those within can be multiple in a day.
But then it repeated, not uncommon, and with more force....not unnecessarily uncommon, but less so. What was unusual eas the presence behind it, the sort I can identify as belonging to someone. And it was very much eye-to-eye, not quite a visual hallucination, but...almost? I don't know how to explain it exactly. I knew it was eye to eye, this voice got right close to ask.
Usually, it clicks then. I can put a name to the words. Usually it is one of the trio of boys I talk about frequently here. But it...it wasn't an unfamiliar person, but it wasn't anyone I've put a name to, and it's someone I've mentioned briefly to the boys before, who at the time only grinned and said they were sort of "them," but not quite. That was 5 years ago and I've dismissed it ages ago.
This voice, along with a second, was the voice and presence that preceeded my last big break down, when I couldn't ignore them any longer. But it was timely, with reason. I broke down due to circumstances then, which I'd continually ignored and swept under the rug but was wrecking havoc on my mental wellbeing. And they didn't show up until it'd been happening for quite some time.
I have learned to look for patterns, my mind and body works in patterns. This confuses me. I am not mentally weak right now, I am not unstable. I am not in need of these unnamed boys, and they haven't shown up since the long time ones (Journey and co.) finally managed to break through and get my attention.
Are you okay? He asked twice, and was satisfied when I started questioning why he would be there.
Am I okay? I wonder if this is the stress of inevitable change coming soon (which has never caused them to come about before) or if it's some other message. I've not been physically well for awhile. For now, all I know to do is to take it as a subconscious warning to pay attention.
And I hope that's all it is, no way do I want to enter the mental state I was in the last time he came about.
Which I dismissed. Random thoughts not necessarily a part of my current train of thought both my own, not belonging to anyone, and belonging to those within can be multiple in a day.
But then it repeated, not uncommon, and with more force....not unnecessarily uncommon, but less so. What was unusual eas the presence behind it, the sort I can identify as belonging to someone. And it was very much eye-to-eye, not quite a visual hallucination, but...almost? I don't know how to explain it exactly. I knew it was eye to eye, this voice got right close to ask.
Usually, it clicks then. I can put a name to the words. Usually it is one of the trio of boys I talk about frequently here. But it...it wasn't an unfamiliar person, but it wasn't anyone I've put a name to, and it's someone I've mentioned briefly to the boys before, who at the time only grinned and said they were sort of "them," but not quite. That was 5 years ago and I've dismissed it ages ago.
This voice, along with a second, was the voice and presence that preceeded my last big break down, when I couldn't ignore them any longer. But it was timely, with reason. I broke down due to circumstances then, which I'd continually ignored and swept under the rug but was wrecking havoc on my mental wellbeing. And they didn't show up until it'd been happening for quite some time.
I have learned to look for patterns, my mind and body works in patterns. This confuses me. I am not mentally weak right now, I am not unstable. I am not in need of these unnamed boys, and they haven't shown up since the long time ones (Journey and co.) finally managed to break through and get my attention.
Are you okay? He asked twice, and was satisfied when I started questioning why he would be there.
Am I okay? I wonder if this is the stress of inevitable change coming soon (which has never caused them to come about before) or if it's some other message. I've not been physically well for awhile. For now, all I know to do is to take it as a subconscious warning to pay attention.
And I hope that's all it is, no way do I want to enter the mental state I was in the last time he came about.
