Life Philosophy

[keepingintouch]

Life Philosophy: Find Something Beautiful
(Outside of the "Chaos Boxes")
-Journey

When I first met Cory and all, I was pretty determined to keep a distance from everyone. My family travelled incessantly. I had no real identity and all I wanted to do was to be able to do anything I wanted and still get let alone. Typical angsting teenager. My past self would be horrified to know I've embraced much of everything my parents stood for.

Mom would typically toss me outside (figuratively!) with assignments (literally). I wasn't allowed to come back until I'd gotten three kids within two years of my age to write a sentence on something, or until I'd taken certain photos on those old disposable cameras, or until I'd experienced something else. And I had to scribble some form of an outline so I could write about it later. The notecards, mates!

I used to frustrate both them and myself by using all forms of bad writing techniques (or attempting to draw pictures and say those were good enough notes, or photos, or accidentally dropping cameras into puddles and..hah, ah, the experiments...) or taking photos which barely fit the bill. I'd go out of my way just to reinterpret assignments incorrectly. When I met Mark, I remember being real proud to prove that I had indeed met another teenager who was partly dressed in a clown outfit in summer. That was no barely-hit-it photo.

I jetted away from home the moment I could to try a life that was "stable." My goal was like to buy a house at 18 and stay there forever and have my bones buried there. That crashed and burned. Over a period of years, I found out I was GOOD at the things my parents drilled into me. Better than that, I could get paid for it. Embracing their lessons was more out of practical desperation. But it gradually turned into something I loved, and at some point I realized it was a philosophy.

Get up. Get moving. Find something beautiful (interesting, new, moving, exciting, etc, etc...) Notice it. At the very least ponder about it. Preferably photo it. Write about it. Publish it and get paid.

Sometimes my parents would give me an assignment that felt obscure. But the answer woulda been like a sailor trying to know what powered his boat, all while using the wind to his whims. Things I dealt with most days. I learned those are great discoveries. Things right in front of you that if you take second to ponder them become pretty amazing.

And when I figured that out, finding a home suddenly wasn't a crash and burn project. I don't technically have my own plot of land, not in world and definitely not as an alter. But I learned how to hold on to some things.

Mom and Dad are inner world people. Very much not even shadows of alters for Cory. But I know them, and they shaped me. Despite bumps and angst, I'm appreciative to them.