Evidence of Existence

[keepingintouch]

I, along with loads of multiples it seems, will sit and argue with myself over my experiences as a multiple. Sometimes just with myself but often times, ironically enough, with others that are a part of who I am and how I experience the world.

The hardest part voicing it is that it seems someone inside experiences or believes are existence in the same way someone out in the internet world does. Not with everything and certainly not all specifics, but there is relativity to a lot of the generalities. And it makes me nervous to constantly be going, "Yeah, I understand that!"

Being able to relate to others like that makes me nervous and doubtful. NOT being able to relate in some ways not one of us can relate makes me nervous and doubtful.

Eon has been around this past week. I wouldn't have even noticed him except I've been pondering the whole thing (and really missing Journey. He started this thing, asked me to be sure the Friday questions were done, then LEFT without answering them himself). I adore Eon, though he is full of contradiction and his existence gives a lot of us headaches. But if he hasn't always tried to do right, or did right with the wrong motivations, he has grown and been willing to change so very much. (And we have changed for him also.)

I have been in a lot of physical pain, and that is one of the things that gets his attention. It is when he starts pushing to get things done. Again, it is both productive and not. I needed help and he grumped and went quiet when I was with other people, but this time at least didn't demand too much isolation. And when I couldn't handle it anymore, it was Eon who grumbled and worked to find ways to help.

Eon adores music and he lives for playing. I don't like music much and I enjoy playing but won't go out of my way or "suffer" for it. The amount of music and the length of practice (even in while in pain) this week shows me he is around. When I wonder something or reach inward, it is his presence and his answers I get. Both his good and his bad is what I've had to deal with this week.

Also, finally, Eon really, really does not get along with every one of us inside. To that end, he has both kept Nate (and maybe Journey?) at a distance and "kept" Nate by default nearby. Nate sees Eon as a threat, so he hates not knowing what he's doing at any given time, but especially when Eon is nearby. Which is...notable but I am not sure how to explain how I experience that.

I am Cory-Eon this week, consistently. And as is typical, when I start writing or playing or music comes about, I am more Eon-Cory.

I think this post started one way but ended another. Ah, well. I don't know what I am saying anymore.

Comments

[keepingintouch]

I can't speak for Nate, but honestly I'm just not comfortable being around when you're in so much physical pain. That and when Eon steps up, it is only fair to let him come forward. He does a good job, and he has a very important place. But most importantly, someone has to keep Nate from interfering, because Eon can't actually step forward and fight Nate at the same time and life actually manage to get done. Threefold reason there, Cory. I wasn't abandoning you or my (our?) project here. But there are things more important than this.